optimistic thoughts on death.

I think I know what it's like to die.

Wow, that's serious. Do you want to know what I mean?

I've got whooping cough. Arrrgh, and I hate having it. Most of the time, I feel like I need to suppress the urge to cough because when I do, I cough on the exhale and can't draw breathe on the inhale. It's horrible. The first time it happen was at night. I woke up in a spasm of coughing and when trying to breathe in, discovered that I couldn't and then sort of, panicked. Well, not sort of - I did panic. Wouldn't you, if you found yourself unable to breathe? I got up, all the while struggling for air - my poor lungs - and went to find my mother. Who better to go to in a crisis than your mother? I have never been more thankful that I still live in my parents house than at that moment! She had heard me coming (I could have woken an entire heard of elephants with my commotion. And the more I couldn't breathe, the more I panicked and the more I panicked, the more I couldn't inhale any air in. Oh dear. But as you see, I am still here, otherwise I would not be writing this. My lovely mother helped me calm down and finally I could slowly begin to calm down. As I calmed, it became easier to breathe.

Since that 'episode', whenever I get a spasm of coughing, I need to drink water to make sure it doesn't continue to the point where I can't get any air into my lungs. So everywhere I go, to university, to church, to meet a friend, I take a water bottle. To ensure my survival;) And when I go to sleep, there is water next to my bed. Guaranteed, by morning it will be finished. (Maybe that's why I have such good skin at the moment).

I've always had a fear of dying a painful death. Not a fear of death itself, but of a painful death. I got a bit of an insight into what it would be like to die. (This is all very morose, isn't it?) I hope that my death (which is hopefully not for a very long time) will be peaceful. But who knows? Maybe I feel differently when I'm an old lady of 90 something. Maybe it would be good to go out with a bang! On the bright side, we would all have a good laugh about it when we get to heaven and say "I don't know what I was so scared of, that was great. Now I'm here!".

Note: When I do die, whenever that may be, I don't want a really sad funeral. That would just be so depressing. I don't think my death will be a sad occasion (for me anyway). I want it to be like a party that celebrates my being home with Jesus.